January 27, 2009
Why I Started This Site
I, like many people, have been turned on by Facebook and it’s instant social benefit to old friends, family and acquaintances. When a situation in my life concerning Facebook arose it changed my life over night and not for the better.
You see my wife and I were forced to move out of a larger house with our son and had to move into an in-law apartment with her parents. We were very lucky they stepped up to help us out.
After living like that for about a year my wife got depressed and turned to prescription pills to”buzz out” for a while and hid the fact that she was on them from me. After she cleaned up from that things were great for a while.
About a year after that she discovered Facebook and connected with lots of friends. I thought it was good for her to talk with friends and get out of a rut I think she was in. We both weren’t very good with communicating but when I wanted to talk she insisted that nothing was ever wrong.
After friending the old boyfriend she left to start seeing me 12 years ago I guess things got heavy on Facebook chat and she would hide the fact she was talking to him on there. She would quickly close down chat when I walked in or pull up another window when I was around.
I knew something was up and I tried reassuring her that I trusted her and she didn’t have to hide who or what she was chatting about. She clearly got embarrassed when I said that and got a little defensive but again. Nothing got worked out and she continued.
I felt I couldn’t trust her and she didn’t want to talk to me about it so I started recording her chats with a keylogger. I recorded the chats she would have with him for a few weeks and read them one night.
I was pretty devastated what I read. It was beyond what I thought. Not just flirting and chatting but more like planning to run away together type stuff and some cyber sex stuff.
She had to go out early one morning and left pretty early but when she was gone I just didn’t have a good feeling about it. I checked the chat log again and found that they planned to goto a hotel for a few hours.
I sat and waited for her to return knowing what she had just done and I asked her how her day went. She said everything was fine. I asked her a few questions about what she did and where she went. Things just didn’t add up.
Later that night she went to bed and I asked her was there anything she wanted to talk about. Again nothing from her.
I couldn’t keep it in any longer so I went into the bedroom and woke her up. We talked for about an hour and she finally admitted what she did. I was very upset but not that shocked. She didn’t have much to say about it but I was already planning on getting out of there. I was fucking disgusted and mad.
After deciding to leave and while packing up some stuff she went back to bed. It made me feel like it was no big deal to her and probably a relief. Barging in the bedroom to get something I turned on the light and she was in bed pleasuring herself as I walked in. It was almost as if she didn’t even stop cause I could hear the “magic wand” toy still humming.
Could there ever be a more humiliating time in a guys life?
I left that night and haven’t been back since. Lots of phone calls and nights out to try and get her to talk but we’re still separated. She doesn’t want to talk about it and there’s no hope I guess of us talking to a psychologist about any of this so this is where I stand today.
I made this site because I’ve heard of many other stories like this from other people so I thought I would put my energy into creating a place for people to get it off their chest rather than hold it inside. I know it’s working for me so far.
Comments
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Maria
October 27, 2009 at 6:04 am
I really do connect with your stor, my story goes as follows: My Husband and I have been together for 9 years now, we are married for 2 months and I am 7 months pregnant with our first born. He started with facebook in beginning of October, mostly just for family communication and history purposes as he likes talking to people. But after a few weeks I started seeing that he invites woman he does not even know to be his frond on facebook. He views their pictures that is mostly naked women on a bed and sends them comment like if he was on top of them hell, never get off, now not to be ugly, I would love to hear him say that to me but, there is no luck, if we have sex once in 2 months it is allot and even when it does happen, He holds out for about 30 seconds and he cannot wait to get off me.
So what I am currently doing, not knowing if it is fair or not, the right thing to do or not but I just need to know.
I have set up an facebook account with a non existing women profile with some naked picture for his viewing and invited him, He accepted the invitation and first thing he wanted to know is where this mystery woman lives, The woman told him that she lives near him and wants to schedule a date with him during the weekend and I am now currently waiting his reponse, Actually I am to scared to see what the responce is going to be, I do not know what I will do, but by tomorrow, I will know for sure if you will cheat on me or not, they say prevention is better than cure, so well see what happens, lets hope for the best. Thanks for reading. And I pray to God for a good result, I have been through so many infidelity issues before, my heart will not be able to handle another one. One lucky thing on my side, he is not so clued up with computers. I at least know a bit more than he does. Once again, I thank you.
Roxy
November 13, 2009 at 9:56 pm
Great idea.I have often thought of doing the same. My guy can always excuse away or reason away. It’s ridiculous. Just be flippin honest and move on.And you are strong and never forget that.You can and will be absolutely fine in the world. I wish I was computer savvy.My guy is, very savvy, and very sly.You do what you need to do and don’t ever look back…….continue to move yourself forward, with or without him
Lovinthesite
August 4, 2010 at 8:01 am
After reading over this site for the past hour I must say it is quite interesting. With that being said I must also say that some of the people here need to realized FB is not the reason for the devastation of your relationships; the people you were in relationships are!!! FB was created to stay connected with family and friends out of reach on a regular basis. How it is used is not the creator’s fault. Think about it. When it comes to guns, they were create for hunting and protection. When some idiot senselessly shoots someone and kills them (or hurts them) we don’t turn around and say, “That damn gun! Thank you gun inventor for killing my (whomever).” No we say that dumb mfer killed my loved one senselessly.
If your spouse or other half is cheating then there is something in them that tells them they need more out of what your are offering. It looks like alot of these comments are from long time relationships, these people may have very well been bored with their marriages. It is our responsibility to nourish our realtionships and we can only do so much! If someone cheats on you, don’t blame the person they are cheating with! Don’t blamed the tool they used to cheat with! Blame them!
If FB and other networks did not exsist these people would still cheat. They would find people on the streets they would find that spare peace somewhere! Then what do we do blame God for giving us speech?!
Come on people. Reevaluate what has happened and realize that an inanimate object (or site) is not the reason for your realtionship/life problems. The people that abuse them are!
Roxy
November 13, 2009 at 9:45 pm
This is all interesting.And how come no women telling of their men cheating with FB? Afterall, the women are contacting men and those men are contacting back and they may too be in a marriage or committed relationship.My man has been hooked on FB for sometime now.Claims it is for business networking.Really?75% of your “friends”are females.And in status I noticed a month ago he put single, interested in women.When I commented on that he said Oh, I’ve had this FB account for a long time before you. Well no actually not, you just got this going this year.So he changed it to in a relationship and left interested in blank. Told me I was insecure and he found that to be very unattractive.He has cheated on me in the past ( we have been together 5 years).Said how very sorry he was and he wished it never happened and all that yada.I was understanding and forgiving and we agreed to wipe slate clean and communicate better.All of it incredibly devastating in so many ways, as you all know.I really had the best hopes and faith and highest intentions for us.He would continually bring up other woman.I’d say please don’t compare me to her and why are you bringing up the past?It’s past, it’s done, it’s over.He was always into all the porn sites, dating sites, craigslist classifieds women seeking men.Said he stopped it all.Then I’d hear him click off whenever I came down hall…I’d peek in while passing and he’s staring at a blank screen.I thought it odd after awhile. So I snuck very quietly one day, and there he was typing away to some female.I said What are you doing? He clicked off immediately and said What?You scared me!What do you mean what am I doing?I’m not doing anything. I said Yes you are, please be honest. He started to laugh and said Oh honey, you’re so cute.You’re just funny thinking all your wild imagined things.You make me laugh.I said This isn’t a cute moment, don’t play me for so naive, be honest. Then he got angry and defensive and said If I want to talk to other women I will, and you are just too insecure, I’ve told you before how unattractive that is to me.You can’t stop me from talking to women, so just deal with it. I said there’s talking and there’s “talking”……you need to be mindful of that. He is always looking up old high school girls he knew.He and his brother always talking about finding this one or that one.And let me make it perfectly clear here…I am attractive woman.I feel I am secure.I love taking care of my man.I enjoy sex and desire it.I love to cook for him, clean up from him, do his laundry, give him a massage, rub his feet , tend to him when he is feeling ill……I love everything about a man in my life.And I have never denied him his freedoms to go out and do whatever.But let me tell you, once you’ve been cheated on, I do feel the cheating partner, who wants to repair and mend the relationship…I would think he/she would be offering up any and all info so as to not create any doubts, I think the behavior ought to be that of a person genuinely willing and wanting to rebuild and instill that trust.There is something wrong with this world.Cell phones and internet have made it very easy for people to lie, deceive, cheat, manipulate.Where have values and integrity gone?Who the hell is left out there with a conscience? I hate all those sites……so many weak people who easily get sucked into stupid irrational behavior.Because they think they can get away with it.Oh it’s just harmless flirting. Please. Let’s get real.My man ( and I use the word loosely) is in fact a liar and a cheater.And probably always will be.And will find any excuse to blame me for it. i didn’t do this enough, I didn’t do that enough, I’m too wealthy, I’m not wealthy enough, I’m out of his league, I’m not smart enough, I’m too smart, I just don’t understand, I just don’t listen……..and on and on.It’s nice to know you guys are devastated, you guys seem to be the few good men out there, and I am sorry for what you’ve been thru…….I know it very well myself.Been there, done that, got the scar. I’m not gonna let him steal my dream.I’m not gonna become bitter and sour.Hope you guys do the same. Because there are reasons for all things.And all things do get better.Trouble has an expiration date. Good things are coming for us all.Because we deserve it.And because it’s just the way the world works.Sometimes ya gotta go thru somethings really sucky to get to the truely good stuff that’s meant for you.I wish every day that my guy would come in the door and be a new man, a real man……the one I always believed him to be. But I think that is not gonna ever happen.He’s just too hooked on all these sites.I know I am a terrific woman, but I know there is no way I can compete with the internet.
Best to you all.
Dan
August 4, 2010 at 1:22 am
You seem very rational about everything, which is good because it means you’ll be fine.
Leave your man and when he regrets everything and comes crawling back, reject him.
In this life we only get what we demand. If you are willing to tolerate abuse, you will be abused. If your minimum standards are high, you will be alone for a while but then you will find someone wonderful.
Lauren
December 4, 2009 at 2:02 pm
Wow, I am glad to see that I am not the only one that this happened to. After five years in a relationship where we also lived together, I caught my boyfriend cheating using facebook chat. I like others would also walk out into the room at night and see him closing the chat window but I had never thought anything of it. We had a good, loving relationship with the usual ups and downs. About a month ago he went out and left his facebook up on our computer, a chat window was open, I opened it and my life changed in an instant. It was him having a conversation with a girl that was our friend talking about how much the loved each other. Its been a real tough time but at least I was able to find out, rather than this having continued for months behind my back.
esther
January 14, 2010 at 4:19 am
My, for lack of a better word, insignificant other and I have a 16, 11, 4, and 2 year old. I left him almost 10 years ago because of his cheating ways and moved nearly 1000 miles. About six years ago we decided to reconcile. It’s been really hard, because I never really trusted him. About six months ago he joined Facebook. It seemed harmless, so I did too. A few months ago I noticed that he would be opening a new page as soon as I walked into the bedroom or he would be playing Mofia Wars. I noticed that a particular girl was ALWAYS playing with him. I question him about it, but he said I was IMAGINING things. Finally, I checked her FB and found out he was dedicating a love song to her! She even made a committ about my 2 year old. She said,”I wish I could kiss his cheeks,” and said that my insignificant others profile pic “looked good
.” After weeks of arguing he admitted he has been having a relationship with her. I told him to leave and he said he needs 400 to move to the city where she live. I just want him gone….. I feel like my children and I have suffered enough! But, I’m not dumb enough to give him money!
Deb
July 12, 2010 at 5:56 pm
Dear Esther (and others who have posted in here):
I am a Segment Producer on a new syndicated, national talk show and am interested in speaking with you further about your stories if you are interested.
I think people can learn a lot about what to look for and perhaps prevent, if that is even possible. But stories of how it can happen to anyone are the ways others learn to prevent it.
If you’re interested in telling your story, I can be reached at deb.cote@foxnews.com and we can chat further.
Thanks for your time, I appreciate it.
Sincerely,
Deb
Tassy Laury
August 4, 2010 at 12:04 am
i found out that my so to be exhuband at thr time was cheating on me soon after i had our newborn baby i had lost my mom the year before then lost my day 2weeks after i found out he had started a relationship it was a terrible time had it not been for my faith in jesus christ i’m not sure where i would be today god is faithful to all of us that have been cheated on the cheaters will get back what they put out the bible says so. i also wanted to warn those who may be seeking a new relationship of what just happened to me i waited for 2 years after my divorce was final to post a profile for dating i recently met a so called man who appeared to be what i had been praying for in a mate i began to email with him back and forth for about 1 month recently some in depth talks regarding realationships in my faith it was refeshing to hear him be so grounded and rooted in the faith well something in my sprit did not sit right so i began to pray and ask god to show me the truth about this man so i had 1 of my excoworker over last sunday for a salmon dinner i show her his picture and she knew him turns out he is the husband of the cousion we both use to work with she began to talk with her asking if they where still married and they are although they do not live in the same house well his profile states he is divorced when i confronted him he tried to use the word of god to justify his actions i began to tell him that what he is doing is deceptive and no good or blessing will come of it. so ladies and men beware once you do start dating again trust but verify my god came threw for me and i’m so greatful that i did not go any futher with than man there are so many tricks out here beware
Jessica Woike
January 21, 2010 at 5:15 pm
Hi…
I’m a producer for a TV station in Sacramento. We are working on a story about Facebook and Divorce. Wanted to see if you would be willing to talk with us about the site.
Thanks!
liedtoandcheatedon
February 13, 2010 at 10:42 pm
Jessica,
I’ve not posted on this site previously but would be willing to speak with you about your story. I am a professional woman with a husband who used social networking sites to flirt with a woman he worked with. They later began an affair.
I had always felt so fortunate to have such a loving, caring man in my life; fully embraced by all my friends and family. I also had tremendous love and respect for his.
Such was my trust that I was completely oblivious to the entire thing although there were “signs”; I simply could not see them for what they were until long after the fact. Or, if I did notice “something”, it was momentary and quickly written off as just my “imagination”.
It seems almost ridiculous now, for a woman my age and experience, but I never doubted, never once questioned the integrity of this man. I never once felt the need to “check up” on his activities online, never went through his wallet or phone or… anything. Ever. i mean, I had complete access (passwords etc), so why would he even think to use these tools in his deception?
This may have been precisely the point. Contrary to what I’ve read here, this affair was totally accessible to discovery and yet when he announced he was leaving I never saw it coming..
ragdoll
February 21, 2010 at 9:08 am
jessica i will be willing to talk with you also
liedto….you sound like me i never thought he would cheat and he didnt do it on facebook he used another site but i found out when everything was gone including my marrage of 19 years I never even thought to look i always thought marrage was about trust but i was the fool there….
Facebook has brought me to the most wonderful man ever use facebook to find someone for you..
oh for the record my hubby has flown all over the us looking for his girl and everytime he thinks they are meeting she has some excuse for why she cant meet him. The latest was valentines weekend he spent more than 60 hours in different airports trying to see her and at every airport she had a message for him on why she couldnt be there LOL
My divorce will be final in 6 days and I dont even know if he ever saw her in person….I don’t really care anymore I have the kids thats all I wanted..
Oh a note to anyone going through all this get a fast divorce so your spouse is still in “love” with there new flinf they tend to agree with everything I wonder if mine even read the papers he signed
Other Side of The Story
July 16, 2010 at 10:34 am
I have gone through a situation where my ex husband used networking sites to meet women and finally cheated on me and went on vacation with one. Obviously, this is a monumental way of cheating because that’s how I found out it was over!
In all honesty, he did a favor to me. I understand this is a hurtful experience but it really doesn’t help us to portray it as if we were victims. We are the ones that get to hold our heads straight and keep going, and they lose. I am better off now.
I think you guys should seek for therapy and have the professional help you cope with the issue. I have done it, it works!
Keep in mind, if a person is a cheater, no matter what you do, he/she will cheat and that is NOT your issue, it is theirs and you can’t change that. The sooner you realize this, the better.
Rosemberg Padilla
February 17, 2010 at 3:30 am
I also had problems with this FaceBook thing, in my opinion and by personal experience these Socializing websites are nothing but a tool to destroy relationships and marriages.
My wife and I moved from CT to an apartment in NYC because both of us thought it would be a better idea for us to expend some more time together, I would not have to drive a long way home from work and viceversa.
My wife and I had a great relationship for 6 years, we were happy and most important we had great communication, However for the worst of our relationship a friend of my wife introduced her to Facebook. Like a good husband I thought it would be a great idea so that she could entertain herself but this is when all the problems started.
My wife used to be always happy and with her arms open to hug me each day I got home, but all of the sudden this started to change.
She was always sitting on that darn computer with her facebook, talking to a suppose High School friend, and when I approached the computer she quickly closed it so that I couldn’t see.
I thought deep inside me that there was something going on, but I acted it like if I was not suspecting anything.
She stopped having dinner for me, and also she used to go very late to sleep (early hours in the morning 3-4 AM) so I also was ending by sleeping by myself.
Then she started to change her look, hair style and was very distant to me.
We always had good communication, so I approached her and asked her what was going on, why was she acting like that, and what was she doing all that time on the computer.
She told me it was nothing, just her friends from high school and some family, but that she was sorry because she was just getting addicted too much to facebook.
One day she went to take a shower and she left her cellular in the bed and it received a text message (which by the way are another tool to destroy relationships). It was a message from some guy telling her to go on Facebook, because he had a great time with her the night before. I thought immediately, “They are having cyber sex or something like that”
Once she came out of the shower I told her, that she had received a txt on her phone and that I though it was her mother and looked, but instead it was some guy telling her to go on facebook, I asked her who he was, and her response was “oh that is my gay friend from high schoo, he wants to talk to me about his boyfriend.l”
I played like nothing again, but the next day I went online at work and I found that I could install in my computer a monitoring software and that I could see everything going on in the computer anywhere I was.
I installed it and went to work, and that is when I got completely shocked. My wife was having sexual chats with the “GAY FRIEND” and she was also telling him to be careful with the txts on the phone, to txt her only in the afternoons when I was not there.
She was also telling him that I didn’t know anything and that besides she had told me that he was gay.
I got so upset and lost my concentration at the office, but I kept monitoring her.
Then I saw she was telling him to go with her to the movies again, because he had “magical fingers” Which left me with no more but a stab in my heart. For my luck they were going to meet again at a theater by 42 street and they talked about which movie and the time. I run out of my office, took a digital camera with me and went to the movies to wait for them inside.
I looked at them and they went straight to the back of the theater to kiss each other, So I went immediately with my camera and took a picture of them kissing. When she saw me she did nothing but to cry.
Next day I got my layer and I used the picture and all the chats from Facebook to get a divorce.
Later on found out that the “Gay guy” who she was kissing with so passionately was not even a friend from her high school, but that she had met him on Facebook itself.
In conclusion if you want to have your relationship or your marriage healthy, keep facebook, myspace, and text messages away from your life.
FACEBOOK=DIVORCE
Trust me.
Charles Reves
February 17, 2010 at 1:53 pm
I also had a similar story with my wife and a “GAY GUY”, We had been always a happy couple, for over 5 years, but when facebook and myspace came to our lives it destroyed our relationship, Now we are divorced and she lives with her “Gay Friend”
Looks like a lot of guys go online with the excuse of being gay so that they make friends out of girls easier and then they start working their way around to take your girl/wife and destroy happy families.
I wish they had never invented that type of websites, they are nothing but an easy way to cheat at home while you are at work killing your back and the worst part is you would not suspect anything easy because all is hidden in the computer.
Please if you don’t want to end up like me and other people who lost their happiness because some dude came out of nowhere and talked your girlfriend or wife away from you…………..GET RID OF FACEBOOK OR ANYTHING SIMILAR, THOSE SITES WILL BE THE BEGINNING OF THE END OF YOUR HAPPY RELATIONSHIP.
andy
May 29, 2010 at 5:24 am
I have almost the same experiences, 19 year marriage is almost gone, i dont even recognize my wife anymore. I am crushed
Tiana
July 23, 2010 at 7:08 pm
Same here, 22 years and 4 kids later he finds a woman he dated back when they were about 14 or 15 yrs old….now he loves her, she has left her husband and has my guy convinced that she wants him and that some day she and I will be good friends. What a joke.
Deb
July 12, 2010 at 5:50 pm
Hello Charles,
I am a Segment Producer on a new syndicated, national talk show. I’m sorry to hear about your Facebook issue with your ex. I am learning it is more common than people think, unfortunately.
I would love to talk with you further about your story if you are interested. I think people can learn a lot about what to look for an perhaps prevent, if that is even possible. I can be reached at deb.cote@foxnews.com.
Thanks for your time, Charles, I appreciate it.
Sincerely,
Deb
Steve
April 9, 2010 at 10:58 am
Rosemburg Padilla:
I’m so sorry for you and for everyone’s story on here. Can you tell us what the monitoring software is where you could see everything going on in the computer anywhere you were remotely?
These stories are all heart wrenching. And, I’m fearing I may be experiencing a similar problem, though I’m really not sure to what extent. I’m worried, but believe I need to be pro-active.
Baki
July 15, 2010 at 2:00 pm
wow, I feel sorry for you. This is exactly my story. We were supposed to get married with my girlfriend. Facebook and other social networking websites are disaster. Get rid of them
Rosemberg Padilla
February 17, 2010 at 3:33 am
I also had problems with this FaceBook thing, in my opinion and by personal experience these Socializing websites are nothing but a tool to destroy relationships and marriages.
My wife and I moved from CT to an apartment in NYC because both of us thought it would be a better idea for us to expend some more time together, I would not have to drive a long way home from work and viceversa.
My wife and I had a great relationship for 10 years, we were happy and most important we had great communication, However for the worst of our relationship a friend of my wife introduced her to Facebook. Like a good husband I thought it would be a great idea so that she could entertain herself but this is when all the problems started.
My wife used to be always happy and with her arms open to hug me each day I got home, but all of the sudden this started to change.
She was always sitting on that darn computer with her facebook, talking to a suppose High School friend, and when I approached the computer she quickly closed it so that I couldn’t see.
I thought deep inside me that there was something going on, but I acted it like if I was not suspecting anything.
She stopped having dinner for me, and also she used to go very late to sleep (early hours in the morning 3-4 AM) so I also was ending by sleeping by myself.
Then she started to change her look, hair style and was very distant to me.
We always had good communication, so I approached her and asked her what was going on, why was she acting like that, and what was she doing all that time on the computer.
She told me it was nothing, just her friends from high school and some family, but that she was sorry because she was just getting addicted too much to facebook.
One day she went to take a shower and she left her cellular in the bed and it received a text message (which by the way are another tool to destroy relationships). It was a message from some guy telling her to go on Facebook, because he had a great time with her the night before. I thought immediately, “They are having cyber sex or something like that”
Once she came out of the shower I told her, that she had received a txt on her phone and that I though it was her mother and looked, but instead it was some guy telling her to go on facebook, I asked her who he was, and her response was “oh that is my gay friend from high schoo, he wants to talk to me about his boyfriend.l”
I played like nothing again, but the next day I went online at work and I found that I could install in my computer a monitoring software and that I could see everything going on in the computer anywhere I was.
I installed it and went to work, and that is when I got completely shocked. My wife was having sexual chats with the “GAY FRIEND” and she was also telling him to be careful with the txts on the phone, to txt her only in the afternoons when I was not there.
She was also telling him that I didn’t know anything and that besides she had told me that he was gay.
I got so upset and lost my concentration at the office, but I kept monitoring her.
Then I saw she was telling him to go with her to the movies again, because he had “magical fingers” Which left me with no more but a stab in my heart. For my luck they were going to meet again at a theater by 42 street and they talked about which movie and the time. I run out of my office, took a digital camera with me and went to the movies to wait for them inside.
I looked at them and they went straight to the back of the theater to kiss each other, So I went immediately with my camera and took a picture of them kissing. When she saw me she did nothing but to cry.
Next day I got my layer and I used the picture and all the chats from Facebook to get a divorce.
Later on found out that the “Gay guy” who she was kissing with so passionately was not even a friend from her high school, but that she had met him on Facebook itself.
In conclusion if you want to have your relationship or your marriage healthy, keep facebook, myspace, and text messages away from your life.
FACEBOOK=DIVORCE
Trust me.
Lisa
April 27, 2010 at 11:17 am
Well I have been married for 24 years and discovered my husband was messaging and emailing a bitch he went to highschool with and met up with through FB. I had to find out over Valentines weekend.
I was out of town visiting my mother who had not been well. I had some suspicisions and I figured out his FB and email passwords. Needless to say I was devastated at what I was reading. He had stayed behind saying he would take care of our pets and home while I took care of Mother and that he would go out and get me something special for valentines.
Well I got something special all right!!! A fat slut who describes her ass as 6-lanes wide with saggy DDs telling him how she gives blow jobs, and him saying he wanted to lay his head in her lap so those saggys could hang in his face and be sucked on!!! She was also sending him pics of her fat ass and saggy chest. Also discovered this wasn’t the only cyber whore he hooked up with and was emailing.
Needless to say I came back from Mom’s and told him I wanted a divorce. About a week before we were to sign the paperwork at the lawyers he came into my room one morning and asked if he could have another chance. He didn’t know that I knew everything so I decided to see if he would be honest. He wasn’t…..he continued to lie so I told him there was no point in giving him any more chances if he couldn’t be honest.
The divorce should be final in a couple of weeks. I wish there was a way to make his cyber whore pay for helping destroy a marriage and take a father away from his son!
Tony
April 28, 2010 at 3:20 pm
Wow. This site is so amazing. I am going through the same thing right now with my wife. She has moved out of our bedroom, when she comes home she goes into the other bedroom and closes the door, gets online, on facebook and stays on it for hours. Sometimes she doesn’t come out of the room until nightfall. And why would my wife have any need to hide her wall and set it to private? Why does my wife get upset when I ask her why she has her page set to private? Is there something she’s not comfortable with me seeing? Is there something that she has to have private from her husband that she’s ashamed of? Why all of a sudden? Why does my wife have one of her favorite sites posted as a “marriage and sex book” that does not reflect Godly standards for marriage, yet the book is really camouflaged as a healthy book for marriage? Is this some kind of joke?
Why do I have to ask my wife “may I see your facebook page?” Why does she pause and say “ok, just a minute….”, then I have to wait while she deletes or hides whatever it is that she didn’t want me to see at the moment I asked? Why is it later maybe after a few days of her staying on her toes just in case I asked to see her facebook page, would my wife respond to me (after asking may I see your page?) would she say “oh sure,” knowing that she’s hidden all the incriminating things about her communication with some other guy or girl for that fact from me?
I hope other guys are not going through what I’m going through, but you know…if she is having an affair emotionally (if not physically) with another guy…it will come to light. This is terrible for any good husband to go through. And if your wife has told you as a husband that you aren’t affectionate and their is absolutely nothing that she desires in you anymore, this just may be why. Thank you facebook creators, thank you. Thank you for ruining my once healthy relationship with my wife.
Clay
May 13, 2010 at 9:14 pm
Has anyone ever thought of just rolling with it? I know being cheated on hurts but what if you could get past it and then you would still have a relationship. Maybe the jealousy could be funneled into sexual desire and really shake things up in bed. Humans are fallible and all of us want sex with someone else other than our sweeties at some point in our lives. Why do we have to have this hang up about cheating? Maybe it could be a shade of gray instead of black and white. I’ve already made up my mind that if my wife has a discretion and I find out about it, I would be kind of turned on. As long as she didn’t leave me for him, it could spice things up. Maybe we’re all so afraid to face pain that we face the greater pain of living without our loved ones. A pain that is so great that someone has to create an entire website to share that pain.
BB
July 15, 2010 at 7:53 am
Clay, I can’t believe you turly believe this. When u got married to your wife, do you not remember your vows to one another?? The paster/priest or whoever married u had a bible in their hands and made u both promise to god, u both promise to be lawfully wedded one another, to love one another, for better or worse, in sickness and in health, and etc….
u vowed to be ONLY with one another, to love and cherish each other, till death ddo u part! If you believe what you said then u know nothing of marriage, love or what a promise REALLY means! I hope u think real hard about what u have said and or rethink about if u even want to be married. If u are turly in love with ur wife, then there IS no other person, u have no desire for anyone but ur wife.
I pray u do rethink about what u have said. Vows are no joke!!
DDUB
July 15, 2010 at 1:01 pm
Spoken like a true dumbass that has probably already linked up with someone on FB and cheated on his wife.
Helio
July 1, 2010 at 1:38 pm
Do you think not being able to hold down a job may have caused you significant other to seek out a new partner?
Chris
July 12, 2010 at 9:47 am
These are all gut wrenching stories, but I am not ready to point the finger at Facebook or MySpace as the cause of a relationship failure.
Before a significant other starts to wander, there has to be cracks in the relationship foundation. While these site may facilitate connection to another person, they are not the reason people are breaking the exisiting commitments. As I read these sad stories, the continual theme of existing relationship problems recurs numerous times.
Ignoring these website, is like sticking your head in the ground.
I wish everyone their peace and solace, but take responsibility for your self.
Laurie
July 14, 2010 at 8:23 pm
I believe you are right…there has to be problems in a relationship first …FB and Myspace just aid in the process of finding someone to talk to to take the pain away…
I know…I did this thru classmates.com…I got hurt and been thru more pain than I ever thought.
Ken
July 14, 2010 at 11:45 pm
sorry to hear that Laurie.
BB
July 15, 2010 at 8:05 am
Chris, I agree with u . FB and Myspace and all the other sites are not to blame here. They do aid in to it but ur relationship must be having problems in order for someone to look else where for comfort. It only makes sense, why would people turn to these sites for comfort if everything was fine??
I have been on myspace and facebook for many, many years, i am married and I have never looked for any ” comfort ” from anyone. My husband and I have a great relationship. but it does take work, without god it could never work. With the 3 of us working together, we cant fail!!
Other Side of The Story
July 16, 2010 at 10:42 am
If someone has issues in their marriage and they are looking for comfort, they could do it in the right places: Church or Marriage counseling (for those who are not associated to religion), etc. It is a matter of principle.
I agree with you, networking sites are not to blame nor the cheated person (for the infidelity part), but the person who actually cheats. These networking sites just help these people bring up their inner desires.
Mike
July 25, 2010 at 11:36 pm
Has anybody stopped to think that Facebook and Myspace have NOTHING to do with people cheating? People, take some responsiblity for youractions and quit blaming others for your problems. IS THERE ANY HONOR LEFT IN THIS WORLD?
Peter
July 15, 2010 at 5:23 am
YEs folks, lets see that clearly. Virtual reality can very fast turn into real reality. Many years ago at a time when there was no internet i was programmer. My wife became a kind of depressed and i signed her up for a city wide chat board. MSN, Facbook etc that came a long time after. These city chat lines were pretty much that what later became online chat. At that time u had to dial in with a modem and connected to the chat room. Well, she met new friends there and one guy even spoke her native language – german. Over the following weeks i noticed that her daily routines have changed. Going out to buy something took now 3 hours instead of 30 minutes. Scary enough. So i followed her. Found her at a public phone talking with someone .. she could not see me and i was standing behin her. “i love you” that was all i needed to hear.
We went home and the same evening she left at night and returned back the next moring at 7 am. I asked her what she did and she told me straight into the face that she went to the guy and they had sex. At that time my son was only 6 years old. I should have left but stood to give him a home and “family” . 2 years later she finsished this relation, but needless to say that trust and marriage were also ruined. Just a stay there to play papa to the child. 10 years later i divorced. Facebook met her up with the guy again and some years later they married.
I see one thing here. Certainly males and females have the desire for recognition, adventure etc to spice up their boring every day.
lifes. And what spice that will be. Ruined marriage. And hey dont even think that it stops there.
One thing is that if you engage in any kind of relationship .. sex or no sex via an online service such as FB etc, the peole you meet there will all repeat their actions. This time u had sex with them, maybe divorced and married that person… but what makes you think that history will not repeat itself ? You will be cheated upon again and again.
Well maybe humans were not made to stay together. These days evil has moved to the internet. destroyed families, marriages etc.
As with everything in our lifes..we create something. If it is used for good or bad is up to us .. such like atomic energy – we can build power plants or bombs.
I think that 50 years ago life in regards to family, marriage etc
was a lot more easy than today. At least there were no evil online. MAybe some classifieds in the news papers, but that took a complete different mindset to start something like that.
For me, online is just dream world and i never would post any personal info on facebook. That is just too scary. Your info will be all over accessible and even if u delete it one day there are
archive sites and for the next 50 years your things can be seen there. Not even to talk what can of warms that opens for future employment. People must be very naive to think that facebook etc does anything good for them. It is online prostetution.
And hey are these online guys and girls so so understanding.
They always will confirm that you are so right and your spouse is wrong. Even if that is not the case. Everyone blindly trusts .
Online perfect Mr. and Ms right .. the SOUL MATE ..
I have heard and seen it all. “I need more space” , well go to myspace or face book. The thing is dear friends, if a person feels that they need to dive into facebook or any other social site,
they should. Guys and girls, support them and help them .
Also dont forget to show them the door and get them out of your
life. There is no a little face book, or just for family. There is just a question of time when the shark will bite and the spouse and family will be the looser.
And another word of wisdom .. one time cheater, always cheater.
When the trust in a relation is gone, than there is no need to continue the relation.
Alice
July 23, 2010 at 9:32 am
NO!!! Not so, what a terrible phrase, “once a cheater, always a cheater”.
People can change, they can learn from their mistakes. Dont lump all cheaters together and say that to explain it, because its not true!
I will never cheat again!
Margaret Mullen
July 15, 2010 at 6:17 am
Roger Jeremiah – what can I say. You say it is over yet AGAIN. And the reason – because ALL WEEK you have been going on facebook. Who is it this time Roger Jeremiah. Who took your fancy this week on facebook – a new contact – a friend of a friend of a friend who commented on your status or something you wrote on your wall again. I hope one day you know the pain of waking up every morning and wondering if you are in a relationship or not. If today is the day that someone took your fancy on facebook.
Margaret Mullen
July 15, 2010 at 6:26 am
Roger Jeremiah started off with mxit – meeting some ugly bitch down in Cape Town. Then, he went onto dating sites – I found at least ten email addresses of women – then he discovered FACEBOOK, where he can get messages in his INBOX and SEND messages – this is safer than going onto his normal email address. He has discovered that writing his status daily means women noticing him on FACEBOOK and commenting on his status. I managed to hack into his INBOX and found an email he wrote to a friend describing how he is with me, but wants the single life and that I am no good. The question is why can’t he leave. You know why, because he has it good at home. He works shift, so the ladies he meets on facebook, he can meet them during the day while I am at work. How convenient. I kept on asking Roger that why on his status he shows as SINGLE when he is in a relationship with me. LOL – we all know the answer to that. Because it draws in the women
Steve
July 15, 2010 at 6:38 am
I read an article a few years ago, that the divorce rate skyrocketed due directly to all of the online dating sites and social websites.
About 4 years ago I was in a committed relationship with a woman I met through friends. She had a best friend that was using match.com who we hung out with at least 3 times a week. My girlfriend was living vicariously through her and I thought for sure due to her friends bad experiences that she would find it a turn off, thus not be tempted. We went on a double date with a guy her best friend had met from match.com. On the way to meet him at the restaurant, the 3 of us were in the car and I asked her to fill us in so we had some information about the guy. She had met him twice before. She began to say the type of work he did (was impressed), etc. etc. but her tone of voice wasn’t reflective of how good he sounded. When I asked her why she didn’t sound excited, she said she met this other guy who was ethnic instead of a “plain white guy” who had an accent and was 6’3″, yadda yadda. I then asked her, then why are we going to meet this other guy if you are so excited about this other guy. Her reply…. “Free dinner”. Well after 5 months later, my girlfriend said she wanted to break up so she could try online dating. After a while she admitted it was a combination of how women like to be single together or both in relationships together since time is taken away from their friendship and the pressure from her best friend and how awesome it was. About 7 months after we broke up, she called me up crying saying it was the biggest mistake of her life and in comparision, I was the best guy compared to all the other guys she met through online dating. She said at least 80% of them were either married and cheating or had girlfriends. And many of them were in relationships and were flirting, never to meet them because their goal was to feel desired again. She asked me to start seeing her again, and I told her no thanks. I’ve found it better to be single and will always remain that way.
So, I’m sure the cheating aspect is much higher since online dating and social networking sites came out, but don’t forget to include the number of people who weren’t cheated on, but these sites made the decision to break up much easier for many, without cheating. I’ve also had a few platonic female friends who were married told me they put a test ad out on some of the dating sites, got 500+ replies in 48 hours. So instead of trying to make their marriages work out, they went ahead and got divorced since there were so many guys waiting in the wind.
Jason
July 15, 2010 at 7:57 am
My wife and I have recently gone through something similar to other things described above. Last fall she was having a tough time, worked from home and was feeling lonely. A guy that she had some feelings for in high school “friended” her and they began corresponding about normal things according to my wife. She said that it was tough time for her because she felt lonely working from home and being a mother. He was very flirtatious and she began reciprocating. After a while he asked her for pictures and to meet. She said that pictures were never sent and they never did meet. He had been in Iraq so she says that it was safe and could never lead to anything so there weren’t any concerns. I only found out about the whole thing when she left facebook open on her IPOD touch. She deleted him and said that they haven’t spoken since I discovered it. I wonder if they might have just exchanged non-facebook addressed and have continued. I am crushed though because I don’t know if I can trust her after she lied to me several times when I asked her about it before divulging that I had seen some of their messages. Not all of them had been saved so I am trying to believe that it never went further than them casually commenting about hanging out at his place a long ways from where we live and his request to meet her.
Even if what she says is true then it is totally not worth it to be on Facebook. Delete your accounts and keep the focus on your relationship and kids if you have any. I have been trying to get her to delete the account and she will not until her 20 year class reunion happens next month. We have been together for 13 mostly great years. I hope that the trust can come back.
Been There
August 11, 2010 at 10:37 am
Your situation is almost exactly like mine. My husband was contacted by a girl that he had met about 8 years ago when we first started dating and he never told me that they were in contact. In fact, I never even knew he had a facebook until I randomly saw his email up on his computer and saw that she had sent him a new facebook message. It led me to ‘hack’ into his facebook and I saw the messages. From what I read there was no sexual remarks to each other but there were some messages reminiscing old times and about how much fun they’d had together and such…apologies for how they’d fell out of touch, how happy they were to be back in touch, blah blah blah. It really hurt me to see that he was keeping these messages from me. Made me think quite possibly he was going to see how far it would go…
The messages mentioned how he was married now almost a year, her married 2 and a half years and she actually lives about 400 miles away now…but neither mentioned anything else about their spouses… I jumped in by that time, confronted my husband about the communication behind my back and not telling me he had a facebook account and it turned into a lot of drama. He swore to me he would delete the account and he did. But I found out weeks later they were still emailing each other through regular email because her husband contacted me telling me so, and though the emails her husband sent me were yet again not romantic or sexual in nature, still very hurtful to be left in the cold because who knows what that could have turned into. It’s been almost a year now, and he swears that all communication has stopped but every day I wonder. Literally every day. I hate that I have lost so much trust for a man I have loved for almost 9 years now. It kills me. I’m always wondering if there is something she has that he’s wishing I had, or if he’s regretting ending up with me instead of her.
Tam
July 15, 2010 at 8:18 am
WOW! I LOVE THIS SITE IT REALLT DOES GIVE INSITE INTO THE MIND OF A LOOSER….I CANT RELATE TO A CHEATER…BUT ME AND MY FIANCE HAVE RECONNECTED BECAUSE OF FB! AND WE ARE SOOO IN LOVE!
Tom
July 15, 2010 at 10:07 am
All the couples mentioned above were soooooo in love too. Now that you found each other maybe you should delete your FB accounts so neither of you fall soooooo in love with someone else and break up. lol
Alice
July 23, 2010 at 9:27 am
Just to have a say, if somebody has the intentions of cheating on you with somebody else, then deleting facebook wont work. Having no Myspace or Twitter or even a cellphone wont work. Before all this technology came into play people still cheated. Trust me, as a cheater myself I’ve only once done so through facebook, although it turn end up going to msn, so Im not sure if that really counts. But anyways, the other times I cheated it was without a computer, period. It was physically meeting people in my everyday life; for examples my fiance’s brother, and my sister’s boyfriend. I’ve never communicated with them on facebook to cheat. They’re just in my friends list along with many other people whom I rarely ever talk to anyways.
All of this cheating stuff really touches a nerve with me though because it’s easy to stand on my side and say: you broke my heart, you lied to me, and I can never forgive you. But to be on the other side is a whole different story. Personally I’ve never liked what I’ve done. I regret it so much. To this day I still wrestle with my conscience, and at points in my “cheating career” I have felt pressured by the person (who was not my fiance) to cheat and engage in sexual relations. Couple this with drugs, alcohol, and young curiosity and you have yourself a situation.
To this day I have cut ties with almost all the guys I would talk to and cheat on my fiance with. I have come clean with my fiance about his brother. And we’ve worked things out. I will never come clean about my sisters boyfriend though, and will carry that on my conscience for the rest of my life. I’m also glad though that my facebook cheating never got any further then MSN. I dont need any more guilt to carry with me. In fact I actually am afraid that when I get married next month and become a wife that I will cheat. I can’t even explain why I have let it happen really, and the guilt is driving me insane.
I couldn’t imagine my fiance cheating on me, and so I can’t relate to that side of these stories. But sometimes, it’s not so easy being on the cheating side either (I know this is no excuse, and I’m not defending cheaters, just people whove cheated because they’ve felt pressured to). I am completely disgusted with that side of myself and hate what I’ve done. I can’t take it back, but I can learn from it.
Cheating is not the answer to any of your relationship problems, and I agree with anyone who says that if you are having “innocent” conversations with someone through any social networking tool and hiding it from your spouse or significant other then you are crossing the line and your subconscience is letting you know that it is wrong.
Mike
July 15, 2010 at 11:05 am
Whats your fiance’s name? maybe I can add her!! lol
Ken
July 15, 2010 at 11:30 am
Ya think that’s funny Mike?
danny
July 15, 2010 at 12:54 pm
yea hilarious…ps. absolutely love this site too. Went thru it all as well…it happens…we just learn from it, move on..and well atleast we know what signs to look out for in the future. I wont be deleteing facebook..if a guy/girl truely loves you they wouldnt be cheating on you in the first place, facebook or not.
Maria
July 18, 2010 at 1:57 am
Lol you sound just like I used to sound, delete FB or you’ll soon see how much you are loved, that is how much he loves his other soul mates.
DVD
July 15, 2010 at 1:41 pm
Blaming a social networking site for your inability to maintain a healthy relationship is sad. Dedicating time and money creating a website because of your inability to maintain a healthy relationship is a sickness. You really need help. MANY of you really need help. I honestly pray you get it.
Greg
July 15, 2010 at 6:24 pm
Hey DVD –
Since you seem to be very judgmental at the outlet people have created to tell their stories, you miss the fact that sharing thier experiences is essential to heal.
Your the sick one. Pray? Pray to who? Your false God?
Samuelc
July 15, 2010 at 7:45 pm
Blaming an inanimate object, tool, or service for destroying a relationship is projecting one’s problems onto someone else. Many of the stories I am reading here appear to be from one person’s point of view of their relationship which they feel was in excellent condition. Unfortunately, what many people here fall into are those who become complacent and their lives fall into routine, a predictable pattern which leads to problems. Spouses tend to cheat when some need, emotional, physical, or even spiritual is not met. When that occurs some animosity and bitterness can develop which helps spur the justification for them to seek out the fulfillment of those needs elsewhere. People also do tend to change as they age, and if the couple does not work to adapt themselves to each other then it too may lead to a falling apart.
It is not the fault of Facebook, MySpace, Text Messages, or even the Internet overall for the failings in a relationship. It is the persons within the relationship, usually on the account of both parties and a breakdown in communication. To try to blame anything other than yourselves is nothing more than an act of deception in order to hide from the truth.
SillyGirl
July 16, 2010 at 6:10 am
@Samuelc,
I do agree with you. But Facebook, Myspace and all the other social networks does make it easier to not communicate with your partner anymore and turn to digital flirting and attention.
I know because i am one of those women who indeed got bitter thinking the emotional, physical and even yes the spiritual needs were not met anymore by my partner. But instead of talking about it with him, trying to see whether our love had just died or the incidents in but our lives made us fall into a routine, i went cyber.
But after 5 months of flirting via the internet, telling my boyfriend to move out, i found out that it’s all just a fantasy based on absolutely nothing. The needs that you are looking for are met by the other cyber person because you ask for it, and they play on it. Most people on those social sites are in need of attention, friendship in some sort of way. For about 5 months i got involved in a social network rollercoaster. Spending way too much time behind the computer and getting sucked in to the social network lifestyle. Lots of friends and others got involved (yes all on facebook) minding my business. And consequently i ended up feeling like i was in highschool again.
My partner at that time moved out but never lost faith in me. We ourselves met on a dating site. He was the first one i chatted to and we ended up having a relationship for 3 1/ 2 years.
When my facebook honeymoon period was over i realised what i mess i got myself into. I was happy that it just stayed at flirting on the internet, and that i never met up with the person in question.
And I again remembered one of my favourite sayings: the grass is not greener on the other side only fresher (for a while).
I deleted my account, put my laptop in one of my drawers. Since than I have only used my laptop to pay my bills and read the news.
I also started to communicate again with my ex-boyfriend, we talked about where and when it went down hill, and about why we fell for each other in the first place.
And i realised that our story is one of the many beautiful love stories i had forgotten about. So i am rereading our story and we are sharing the same page of the book again.
Surely there comes a point in a relationship when you have to weigh it all up but facebook, myspace etc is not gonna get you the answers. Yes it will make the decision easier, but at the end you will never really know what happened in your past relationship and you will not have learned your lesson.
Treat your partner the way you would wanted to be treated, and respect every human being for who they are. So first end something before starting something new, because luckily for me there was a way back when I realised what I had lost. But this is usually not the case.
Besides the flirtations/cheating aspect of the social networks, there is also a big issue with the security, and people get less and less sociable because they don’t need to call or meet up with friends anymore. Why should they, everyone has Facebook. Yes it’s nice to get reconnected with old college friends and people you have not seen for ages. But people come and go in your life, some stay, some come back to stay, and some go away for good.
That the charm of life.
To all of you out there dealing with a partner who spends to much time on the
Internet good luck, confront them, talk to them, through the computer out of the window do whatever you can. And if that does not help, pack your bags and leave, in search of someone who is worth your time.
crash cutta
July 17, 2010 at 6:40 am
this shit fuckin’ gay… even though your childs mother was cheating, you still didn’t have the right to invade her privacy with a key logger…. don’t get mad handle your biz and take care of home..
WHARFRAT
July 17, 2010 at 8:53 am
i too feel for all who have lost loved-ones, but i’m not so sure it’s facebook’s fault. cheaters are cheaters regardless if networking sites are out there are not. i do agree that they make it esaier for someone to cheat; however, i think there is more to infidelity than computer sites. maybe… inadequate sex lives, dis trust, money and financial problems, etc.. cheaters have been around long before facebook! just a thought!… keep your head up and remember it’s them, not you.
WHARFRAT
July 17, 2010 at 8:57 am
sorry to hear about your wife Ken Savage! good website!
Ken
July 26, 2010 at 11:35 pm
thank you WHARFRAT
BARBARA
July 17, 2010 at 10:32 am
GREAT IDEA! This is absolutely a great idea for people who need to be aware of social networking cheating. Kudos to you and this idea!!
Robert
July 17, 2010 at 11:16 am
I too have found this situation to ring true in my own life. 23 years of marriage to a wonderful, beautiful woman.
She has been in need of emotional and mental health for some time. Unfortunately a series of event in her life which were highly stressful pushed her into the Candy Land of Facebook. I, like you all, have used certain avenues to vent, drain, and exhaust my thoughts and feelings.
In so doing, I have decided to use my story along with my writings to provide encouragement to those suffering through a loss of a spouse.
As I wrote recently in a posting referencing Facebook
“Facebook is like High School for Adults. So many, man and woman alike, glom onto past relationships, past friendships, past loves and begin living like they were in high school again. I can only imagine what lives would look like if so many, what appear in particular to be women, would spend more time with God, more time reading their Bible or even godly author’s. I personally know of 5 marriages either destroyed or on the rocks because of a spouse hooking up with high school “friends”. Understand, I don’t place the blame squarely at the feet of the Baal known as Facebook. Truly, these people choose, through their own personal mental instability to pursue these avenues, but the website does wonders to tear down the hedges our culture has always known. Some time back I had to take a personal look at my own life in this arena. I deleted my profile, for it truly is a useless entity if you are forward living. ( I understand this blog feed goes to an old business Facebook page I set up some time ago. It is automated and you are not allowed to delete those pages…otherwise I would have).
These women of today are our modern day Eve. They take the apple, they think no one will notice or care, and they are captured by it’s lure. It takes over their lives. Hours are spent chatting, exchanging messages, updating status, commenting on friends posts, taking quizzes, playing games and in general leaving their real life for the Candy Land of the electronic world. In return, they begin to wonder why their lives seem so unhappy, their children seem distant, their husbands become detestable in their sight, and just at that time, BAM, up steps prince charming. An old love, a high school pal. All too ready to now fill the void she believes is there and always has been. Yet by her own hand she has manufactured the void by her actions and time spent Facebookin’ it.
Facebook is the new Harlequin Romance of our day. It is Porn for Women.”
If you have suffered, perhaps consider visiting my site that you may find encouragement. I write frequently and would enjoy your visits.
You will find the majority of my personal thoughts here…
http://involvedimaging.com/blog/category/robs-musings/
I wish you all well and hope you find strength as you weather your storm of today.
Caprice
July 18, 2010 at 12:34 pm
So so true. I believe you are right on point. I believe there are usually other issues underlying but facebook serves as a superhighway to infidelity and it commonly seems to start by reconnecting with someone from high school. All marriages have their issues and these are things you work through. I can only guess that facebook really feeds that selfishness that is always underlying when it comes to infidelity. In my case, my husband had a hidden presription addiction and had become emotionally detached. While he hid his pill addiction he decided along the way to create an alternate reality for himself. I truly believe this can happen to anyone. We are God-fearing born again Christians with 4 children and it happened to us. Not to say we are better than anyone else, just saying that the demographics dont matter. White, black, fat, skinny, young, old, Christian, atheist, poor, or rich, it can happen. Hope that thse who have been affected can find clear direction, comfort, and peace> blessings
Curious Cat
August 18, 2010 at 8:25 am
Robert, maybe your wife got confused by all those ridiculous contradictions in your “Bible” and lost her way. Or maybe she just got tired of living with a pompous born-again, and decided to find someone a little less self-involved with himself and his God. In case I haven’t been clear, you are a complete idiot.
Maria
July 18, 2010 at 1:27 am
Hi, well what happen in my relationship was in a site called justin.tv. My boyfriend and I had a three year relationship, we were gonna marry. I thought we were happy, I trusted him so much I believed in every lie I was son blind. A year ago I started to feel something weird, I felt sad all the time, but I just had no idea why I felt that way. We used to talk alot of our feelings and sfuff, so I went ahead and told him what I was feeling, he told me that he loved me and to cheer up. One day he told me about a cyber place he was using to see sports, I didn’t suspect anything wrong. A few weeks later I remembered what he told me and I went there all by my self. I wanted to surprise him and make him happy, but I was the one who was surprised by him. When I got to his profile he had so many msgs from this woman. When I asked him, he told me that she was a friend that was helping him with some stuff on line, but he was tense and very cold towards me. She became sort of a friend to me, it was clear she didn’t like me, I didn’t know why, I am a graphic artist and I love to make tags and stuff so I went ahead and made this beautiful image for her as a gift for being so nice to him. I still felt bad, like there was something so wrong with him, but he kept on denying that anything was wrong. I befriended a kid who was 16 at the time. One day, I truly felt awful, I was so jealous but I thought I was imagining things so that made things worse, he kept on telling me how she was a true woman just because she is ten years older than me and has a kid, she was 35 back then and he was 24. So that day I was with my brother when he called me and I plainly told him to be honest with me. He told me that he loved another woman and when I asked him who she was he told me she was her, he told me not to call him in a day to see if it was me who he loved or not, I was heart broken and so sad. I waited and waited for him so early next day he called me, telling me how sorry he was that he loved me so much, I felt such a relief, but I know now that he lied. That day i logged to that place and I found my friend who was friends with her and him, he told me how they were talking dirty and flirting in an open chat were many of my “friends” omg I was so mad, so I sent her a msg with my msn telling what I thought of her, then I told him what I had done and he was in such a rage with me, he told me all this awful and hurtful things that I didn’t deserve. He told me chose her and to move on, that he only felt sorry for me but he no longer loved me. I felt as if my life had ended right there and then. That went on for days, when I finally went back to that place I don’t know why but I did it, I saw how happy they were and how he didn’t seem to care what I felt, as if never existed. I decided then it was over, but by then my trusty friend did some digging on her past and found so much dirty stuff. So I made up my mind to inform him what she truly was, I set her up, she was with four guys at the same time, she was a gold digger and she was getting money from all of them, she was using her kid omg such a witch, well I set her up big time with all of her boyfriends and bye the end of that night my beloved one was begging me to take him back, I was such a dumb woman that I did take him back, but I don’t trust him anymore, he lied to me and I know that he will do it again. I felt as if I love him, but I know he doesn’t. I recently started using facebook and about three months later he did too, he got so obsessed with it that I told him so, he didn’t listen to me, but all of the sudden he no longer wants to be there all the time, he logs like once a day for a brief time, I have no idea if he made some other account or what he is up to, but one thing is for sure, I don’t love him as I once did and I know he never loved me as I thought he did and he is gonna cheat some time, but I really don’t care as much. My heart is hard towards him, every time he tells me he loves me I know is not true. It’s very sad but I learned to live like this.
HURT TING NOMO
July 18, 2010 at 5:05 am
Just texting… But Don Green is a CHEATER!
Anniemae
July 19, 2010 at 11:20 am
I agree with the fact that cheaters have been around way before Facebook. Now it’s just easier for the cheaters to get caught. Men and women can cheat so many ways but now they have to learn to cover their tracks better. Now there is text messaging and social networking sites so the other spouse can easily find evidence of an unfaithful spouse. If it wasn’t for Facebook the spouse probably never would have thought the love of their life was such a cheater and I think they want to blame Facebook for ruining their “picture perfect marriage”.
Get Real
August 18, 2010 at 6:20 pm
Annie,
What you say is true. But you left out that fb makes it much easier to reconnect with old flames or communicate with new ones. You can’t blame fb for the cheating, but you can definitely say it makes it a h*ll of a lot easier to do.
Gut feeling
July 19, 2010 at 3:04 pm
I just had a gut feeling that my husband was cheating and when his facebook popped up while I was on another page I couldn’t help but check his mail. Sure enough he was writing a **** and setting up a time to meet and have all kinds of sex while I was driving 2 hours to work at night. The things he said would make Dr. Ruth blush.
I had no idea that he was on his fb page because I had previously been looking at oriental art. When I went back to the computer after cooking his breakfast and got back on my page I guess I hit something that made his page pop back up. I can’t get the image of that letter out of my mind.
This wasn’t the first time to catch him doing something while being at the computer. He has a problem and I hope one day that he will get the help he needs. Currently he is going through women like underwear and leaving them just as stained.
Gavin
July 20, 2010 at 12:36 pm
ALL – Really what did you expect from FB? Did you think that “old flames” would not be reunited? Did you think that seeing past lovers would not conjure up old feelings? If you don’t want to know, don’t look or don’t use FB. I’m sure there are some very happy people using FB, so I’m assuming that you are about 1% of the people that has had something bad happen to them.
Anyway move on and get on with your life…seriously.
Remember ~ Yesterday is a cancelled check; tomorrow is a promissory note; today is the only cash you have, so spend it wisely.
Get Real
August 18, 2010 at 6:16 pm
Gavin – Really what did you expect from FBCheating.com? Did you think that the blogs here would not be about cheating? If you don’t want to read stay off this web site. I am sure there are some very sad and hurt people here, so I’m assuming you are about 1% of the people who visit this site that have not had fbcheating experience happen to you.
As you say – move on to your happy fb time.
Remember, better to stay silent than reveal the fool that you are.
tracy
July 23, 2010 at 6:21 pm
I totally sympathize with you. My husband had an affair on me aswell, while i was pregnant (it started when I was 3 months pregnant). His affair who spent 5 years doing research on our where abouts and what we dorve where we worked, finding out why i quit my job (all before I joined FB, and even going as far as coming into my hospital room while I was there with the first child we had together while I was out cold on the medications they were giving me (for aC-SECTION)she held my son and God only knows whatelse this lunatic did(she worked in records, saw my name did a cross reference & saw that my baby’s father was who he was (someone she’d obbsessed over for 5 years). Finally after 5-6 years of her insanity she finally made her move, and managed to get his attention. For a year she tormented me with a fake FB account and her “ABOUT ME” Box sayings regarding her affair with my husband, as she copied and pasted them and sent them to me from her fake account. It got quite graphic at times, and I often wonder what her friend, family and daughter thought of her status’s. I find some people have absolutely no shame. To be honest with you crazy girl is still trying to get me going as she still tries to make me think it is going on (or perhaps it is) through her “ABOUT ME” Box status’s. Sickening actually that people cannot use something for it’s actual uses and have to ruin other peoples lives though a network such as FB. none the less I have closed my account and am done with FB for good. Sorry about your troubles with FB, I can only hope you over come them and be happy in your life.
Lost and in pain
July 25, 2010 at 6:41 pm
I am glad to see I am not the only one in hell. My story is similar to some posted here. Discovered it all about 2 months ago…and I swear the past 2 months have felt like one long miserable day. My wife and i have been married about 16 years, we have 2 kids. We had a good life all around. I’ll will summarize, that my wife befriended an old high school interest on FB, and chatted with him for about 9 months. Talked to him every night, they depended on each other. They started texting after 3 months and that went on all day for the last 6 months of the affair. Towards the end they started telling each other I love you – she even told him he was the love of her life. She tried to see him several times, they never managed to for various reasons, and stopped talking to her. She then started talking to another guy from high school, and they had dinner behind my back. I discovered this perhaps just in time who knows where it was headed. I have pretty much confiremd nothing physical ever happened, and she never planned to leave me…she never made arrangements to do a trip or over night with anyone or anything like that. But I am lost how the love of MY life could tune me out for a year to give and get affection online from another man, and then another after that. She says she never saw it as cheating because it wasn’t physical…i think she knows better now. But despite all of my attempts over those 9 months to reconnect, get her off the computer (she said she was chatting with girlfriends, playing games etc.), i could not make it stop until I caught her and forced it all out. Absolute nightmare. Now what does one do? Fix a marriage for the kids, even though it feels like living in hell? Wondering what will happen next? Or divorce, and tell my kids they are in a broken marriage, and run the risk of another man raising my kids if she gets custody? Does this nightmare ever end?
Eduardo
July 27, 2010 at 6:50 am
Well, first of all my heart goes to all the people here who have had this hoorbile experiences, i was cheated on 3 times in my life i know how it feels.
the way i see it people are afraid to be honest and they don’t realise the damages something like this can cause. now here is my advice to some of you.
i have been with my fiance for 6 years now we both have facebook and we both have male and female friends, i have woman wanting to have sex with me and men with her all the time and how do we handle all of this is very simple in our case. when we both met we told each other we will be honest to the bone, i our case it is a little diffrent, we are not swingers and we do not have an open relationship what we do have is hinesty do, for example if a cute guy wants to sleep with her and she is interested she will let me know and same goes when a cute girl wants me, we take the chance or we don’t we talk about it, we communicate and we do not keep things from each other! my point is, be honest and fair do not be afraid to let your partner know what is going on in your lifes and ask for the same, respect, honesty, truth. i guess i am lucky that way to have found a person who understands the importance of honesty. i believe sex is primal, it is human nature, the problem is people are afraid to admit it and they tend to lie about ,i blame religion, society and a bunch of other reasons. just be honest. do not lie you will get caught, and if you cheat you will always get caught as well. there is no shame in wanting to have sex with the opposite sex but for the love of god respect your partner and let her or him know at least that way they will know were they stand. good luck to all of you there is always light at the end of the tunnel.
Eduardo (Correct Version)
July 27, 2010 at 7:23 am
Well, first of all my heart goes to all the people here who have had this horrible experiences, i was cheated on 3 times in my life i know how it feels.
the way i see it people are afraid to be honest and they don’t realise the damage something like this can cause. Now here is my advice to some of you.
i have been with my fiance for 6 years now, we both have facebook and we both have male and female friends, i have women wanting to have sex with me all the time and men with her all the time, and how do we handle all of this is very simple in our case.
When we both met we told each other that we had to be honest to the bone, in our case it is a little diffrent, iwant to make it clear that we are not swingers and we do not have an open relationship but what we do have is honesty, for example if a cute guy wants to sleep with her and she is interested she will let me know and same goes when a cute girl wants me, we take the opportunity or we don’t, we talk about it, we communicate we let each other know what we like and do not like and we do not keep things from each other! my point is, be honest and fair do not be afraid to let your partner know what is going on in your life and ask for the same, respect, honesty, truth. i guess i am lucky that way to have found a person who understands the importance of honesty.
I believe sex is primal, it is human nature, the problem is people are afraid to admit it and they tend to lie about it, i blame religion, ( i believe in god ) but i do not believe in another human telling me what to believe. society tells us be with one person for the rest of your life, yes i want to be with my girl but i want to be honest to her as well.
Just be honest. do not lie you will eventually get caught, and if you cheat you will always get caught too. there is no shame in wanting to have sex with the opposite sex but for the love of god respect your partner and let her or him know were you stand. good luck to all of you there and remember there is always light at the end of the tunnel.
Ray
August 3, 2010 at 8:48 pm
Well, what can I say… sort of the same story…. My wife was online alot and it became more and more… I saw she was on Facebook and Farmville an awful lot. Finally, as other people stated, when I came home or in the room.. she would shut the cover down on the laptop.. also her affection and attention for me began to diminish and even refused intimacy. We got into a few arguements concerning the internet and I told her not to be on it when I was home. One day when she was shopping, I turned on the laptop and guessed what the password was and there I saw it.. pictures of her kissing a guy, and chats with him about how she missed him and that she thinks the baby is his… Oh yeah, I didn’t mention that she was pregnant… When she came home I showed her what I had discovered and she yelled.. HE IS JUST A BOYFRIEND… well, out of anger, hurt and jealousy.. I ended the marriage and kicked her out of the house.. She is now living with the guy and we just sent DNA samples to the testing Lab…
I do believe had she not had internet or facebook.. her relationship with him would not have renewed, continued or whatever… but it was too easy to maintain the contact…
Ken
August 3, 2010 at 9:00 pm
Hello! i have a suspicion of my wife is chatting with a guy on facebook, could someone inform me on what is a keylogger and how do you use it. she uses her personal laptop, do i need access to her laptop because she has a password on it, if anyone could give me some info on a tool i can you to get access to her chats, please let me know. you can email me at creole372007@yahoo.com thanks!
Ken
August 3, 2010 at 10:02 pm
Ken, try this link for the keylogger
cheryl
August 4, 2010 at 1:04 am
How can a man ignore his wife, be unkind, while raising his children to be cruel to her be confused why she needed attention from another man?! I have been so very lonely for so long, then someone came along and made me feel like I mattered, that I wasn’t repulsive. I ate that up. I needed the words and the “pretend” relationship. But sex was out of the question.
I love my husband and when he found out about this situation, he freaked. He decided after lots of prayer that he did love me and I wasn’t all that bad. Listen people…………. DON’T IGNORE YOUR SPOUSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! People were made to need love and attention. If an affair, whether it was emotional and or physical, look at your part. Did you love your spouse? Or did you ignore them and make them feel like a pile of crap? Take responsiblity for your part. Fair is fair.
Get Real
August 18, 2010 at 6:25 pm
How about communicating better? Why does it take a cowardly affair to communicate to your unattentive husband? Did you not have the courage to confront him and give him the “pay attention or I will divorce you statement”? I am sure you got a temporary “high” from the affair. Yes, his unattentiveness was a legitmate gripe. But, how you handled your end of this was worse. I am sure he had gripes about what you didn’t provide him in the marriage. Did he handle that by going to an affair?
Yahya
August 4, 2010 at 3:53 am
I am sorry to hear all this, but I am just glad I am Muslim, god allowed me to have up to 4 wife if the wife is ok with. I am only 19yrs and I never have a realtionship in my life because I can’t, it is against my religion to have a realatioship before I get married. Anyway, I am leaving this comment to just say that if you marry someone who has the beliefs whether both Christian or Jewish or none believers, there shouldn’t be a problem. I bet all of you who has commented here are none Muslim. I am not saying you have to be a Muslim to have a successful marriage but I have never seen my dad and mom had a problem in relationship, neither all the people I grew up with, honestly if u ever think ur husband or wife maybe cheating on u then you’re doing something wrong, maybe there is a reason why ur husband or wife is looking for another relationship or anyone at all. The wife can stay away from relationship or maybe find a new person but Something that really makes me sad is that the kids, if you a had a kid(s) and that relationship didn’t go so well, then I have no clue how to live in this world without a mom or dad, i haven’t experience that but I do know one thing for sure, without a mom or dad is just Harmful, immoral and anything you cant imagine and something you will never forget in ur entire life.
One again, I might not know a lot about relationship but I wish you the best, and if u have kid(s). Especially the kids, it’s tough to live without a mom or dad. I have a friends that don’t have one of their parent and it just makes me really sad for them and at the same time lucky.
Thank you all for reading this! And good luck finding the best, honest, and unique husband or wife:)
Yahya
August 4, 2010 at 4:10 am
I still don’t understand how could a husband or wife cheat their love one? I can’t believe it. Think very well. What makes u cheat ur wife or husband? And especially ur kids. Even if u got away with it, I believe there is a time where you’ll eventually caught.